You don’t see these much anymore (not for the squeamish)

He passed by somewhat regularly, usually wearing suspenders, always with glasses and haircut like Don King, the boxing promoter. This time he walked along, smiling cordially, clenching three used flyswatters, held together perfectly. Surely there was an explanation for this, but surely no explanation is needed for the word “used.”

83 years old with one crazy blind eye

He saved newspaper obituaries with the words “survived by widow,” noting the date of death. He would file these away in envelopes labeled by month after sending a sympathy card. Then he would wait the respectable full year before calling for a date. It was sweetly old-fashioned, yet creepy.